Signs of Abuse
You are not responsible for nor deserve any abuse you receive no matter
what the circumstance. If you are experiencing current incidents of abuse,
you deserve to receive support from people who understand the reality of physical
and sexual violence. This list is intended to be used only for your personal
information.
Another source to understand the severity and signs of domestic abuse is the
Power and Control Wheel
If any of the following have been done against your will or without your permission or approval, you have been physically abused:
- Pushed and shoved you
- Held you down and kept you from leaving or getting up
- Bitten you
- Kicked you
- Choked you
- Hit or punched you once, twice or repeatedly, which may or may not have resulted in visible physical injury
- Tied or otherwise physically restrained you
- Thrown objects at you that may or may not have hit you
- Locked you out of your house
- Abandoned you in dangerous places
- Refused to help you (for example, to get medical attention) when you were sick, injured or pregnant
- Locked you in a room or a closet
- Deprived you of sleep
- Forced you or the children to ride in a car while that person was driving dangerously
- Forced you off the road or kept you from driving
- Pulled your hair
- Dragged you
- Pulled your arms, legs or other body parts
- Thrown you down or against a wall
- Ripped your clothing
- Raped you, or coerced you to have sex (even if you “gave in” to make them stop the coercive behavior)
- Threatened you with a weapon
- Used a weapon on you
- Hit or beat you with other objects
- Stabbed you
- Burned you
- Forced you to participate in violent rituals
- Physically abused you as a child
Sometimes these forms of physical abuse do not result in physical injury.
However, the atmosphere of fear and violence these acts create is abusive
and results in the emotional pain that accompanies physical abuse.
You have been sexually abused or harassed if another person has:
- Told anti-(wo)men jokes or said bad things of a sexual nature about (wo)men
- Treated (wo)men as sex objects
- Acted like he or she owns you
- Accused you of being sexual with others
- Insisted that you dress more or less sexually than you wanted or
criticized how you dress - Said bad things about your body
- Put down your feelings about sex
- Criticized you sexually (for example, called you frigid)
- Insisted on touching you sexually when you did not want to be touched; with or without others present
- Forced you to mimic or watch pornography
- Called you names such as: whore or slut
- Withheld or made you beg for sexual affection
- Made you strip when you did not want to; with or without others present
- Openly showed sexual interest in other people when you were in public or at home (for example, while watching TV)
- Had affairs (often bragging about them) after agreeing not to
- Forced you to have sex
- Made you have sex with other people
- Forced you into prostitution
- Forced you to make pornographic films
- Made you watch other people have sex
- Made you perform sexual acts you did not want to do
- Made you have sex after physically or emotionally abusing you
- Made you have sex when you were sick or when it was bad for your health
- Hurt you with objects or weapons while having sex
- Committed cruel sexual acts
- Made you pose for sexual photographs
- Made you have sex with animals
- Sexually abused you as a child
Sexual abuse is not just forced intercourse. All forms of coerced sexual
contact or exploitation constitute abuse.
You may have been emotionally abused if another person has:
- Ignored your feelings or made fun of them
- Put down (wo)men as a group (for example, called them crazy,
emotional, stupid) - Withheld approval, appreciation or affection to punish you
- Constantly criticized and called you names
- Told you nothing you do is ever good enough no matter what you do or how
hard you try - Yelled, screamed, or hollered at you
- Insulted friends or family, eventually driving them away
- Put you down in front of others
- Avoided socializing with you (for example, going out with you but then ignoring you)
- Kept you from working or going to school, controlled your money, made all the decisions, demanded that you ask permission to do or have anything
- Didn't let you use the telephone, censored your mail
- Refused to work or share money
- Taken away car keys or money
- Destroyed, sold or given away things that were important or of value to you
- Kept you from talking to or seeing your family or friends
- Threatened to hurt your family, friends, or animals
- Punished or kept things from the children to manipulate you
- Treated the children extra nice, leaving you out, to manipulate you
- Threatened to kidnap the children if you ever left
- Blamed you for any problems, real or made up, with the children
- Abused pets to hurt you
- Accused you of having affairs
- Tried to control you with lies or contradictions
- Tried to control you with emotions (for example, threatened to commit suicide if you left)
- Told you it was your fault when a person physically or sexually abused you (that you asked for it, deserved it or liked it)
- Denied that the behavior is abusive or minimized it by calling you crazy or stupid or telling you that you made it up
- Threatened to tell or told your employer or family that you are a lesbian/gay in order to get you fired or have your children taken away
Abuse happens to both men and women, heterosexual and homosexual. Approximately 95% is upon a female victim. This is also based on the assumption that only about 10% of domestic abuse is reported. (Based on FBI Uniform Crime Reports and Department of Justice Data: as well as demographics tabulated
by Maine State Domestic Violence Prevention Project). It is easy, while underscoring the seriousness of this issue, to feel discouraged. This need not
be. The problem is serious…but there are many people working together to find answers and help. We have resources to work through the housing, economic, legal, custodial and emotional hardships. No one has to deal with abuse alone.
In fiscal year 2004, The Next Step served almost 700 community members.
