What is DA?
Domestic Abuse (also referred to as “domestic violence”) is a choice. Although childhood experience, substance abuse, mental illness and adult victimization are all factors which influence the person involved, they do not compel that person to engage in abuse. Abuse is chosen because it is a system of behavior
which works. It gets the abuser what s/he wants.
Abuse is not a “loss of temper.” The abuser is not “out of control.” If they were, they would, for example, attack the
person in front of them in a long line, or the police officer who gives them a speeding ticket. Abusers are in control when they abuse. They target people they know they can target. They target people in ways they which know will be effective.
Domestic Abuse is a pattern of coercive behavior through threats of, or actual use of, physical violence, sexual assault or verbal or psychological abuse. It can involve physical abuse (slapping, punching, shoving, kicking, biting, use of weapons, etc.), verbal or emotional abuse (put-downs, mind games, attack upon whatever the individual cares about, including family, friends, religion…),
sexual abuse (rape, sexual put-downs, accusations of affairs, infidelity…), intimidation and threats (punching walls, breaking furniture, abusing or threatening to abuse friends, family, children, pets…).
Abuse is not a “crime of passion,” in the “heat of the moment,”
which can be explained in any way by the behavior of the victim. Despite frequent media portrayals to the contrary: abuse is a calculated exertion of force against a victim who is safe to target. No matter what accusations are made against the victim, there is no excuse for abusive behavior.
Domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. Domestic Abuse is a serious issue among lesbians, gay men, bisexual, and transgender
people. 25 to 30% of relationships are abusive regardless of
gender or sexuality. Abuse is purposeful conduct perpetrated by adults or adolescents against their families or intimate partners.
